Intention for 2016: Tools & Assertiveness to spark my Life for “Good!”
- Daniela Bumann Coach
- Dec 15, 2016
- 4 min read
Assertiveness Definition:
Assertiveness is a form of communication in which needs or wishes are stated clearly with respect for oneself and the other person in the interaction. Assertive communication is distinguished from passive communication (in which needs or wishes go unstated) and aggressive communication (in which needs or wishes are stated in a hostile or demanding manner).
Assertiveness is based on balance. It requires being forthright about your wants and needs while still considering the rights, needs, and wants of others. When you are assertive, you ASK for what YOU want but you don't necessarily get it.
Aggressive behavior is based on winning. It requires that you do what is in your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings or desires of others. When you are aggressive, you take what you want regardless, and you don't usually ask.
Assertive – Passive - Aggressive – Let`s start to learn how to use the Assertiveness Scale to get a clearer picture to where you fit in?
When we get a clearer picture of how we “operate” and how the Do`s & Don`ts of assertiveness or lack thereof “makes or breaks” our own self-esteem and confidence. We then start to understand ourselves a little better, and the “WHY” we always fall back into old supposedly safe self-sabotaging loose/win behavior; whereby forsaking your own needs, want and desires, yet to our -big surprise-, yielding the same old results.
The Habit of Complaining & getting Sympathy:
How often have you found yourself to be in a situation where you know you could of, should of etc. etc., but did not SPEAK UP? Here goes the trap of complaining to a friend, spouse, co-worker about your boss...etc., with the intention of soliciting sympathy, and the list goes on. Let me clarify that there IS a difference between sharing vs. the over-indulgent repetitive stating your case keeping you in a rut, instead of learning new tools encouraging EMPOWERED ACTION.
Victim Trap: To be able to “catch yourself” in the act of complaining, feeling sorry for yourself etc. vs. stating your case clearly, nice but firmly (assertively), and getting sympathy instead of compassionate support. Which by its very nature can propel you into desired positive change(s), and put you back in the driver seat of your life.
It`s often not what you know, or how many books you read or pricey self help work-shops or seminars you attended, but HOW you are able to implement the knowing into your everyday life, with new tools, by yourself, or with a life-coach or so forth.
From Victim to Victorious:
Anytime you find yourself complaining "listen in" with NO JUDGMENT to how you really feel? Notice that by complaining you engaged in the loop of "passive aggressiveness," and how that leaves you feeling empty and not heard or acknowledged. Consciously making the choice to respect you needs will boost your feelings of high self-esteem and confidence.
The Assertiveness & Self-confidence Factor:
Assertiveness and Self-Esteem are closely linked together and one feeds of the other. Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right. –Henry Ford (So think right!)
No matter how old or how young, how rich or how poor, or how successful you are; a lack of SELF TRUST - SELF BELIEF and the ability to RESPECT yourself, hence hold yourself in genuine HIGH ESTEEM, - will affect your choices and declare the quality of your work-life, your relationships (self/others), and your life as a whole.
"IT`S IMPOSSIBLE," SAID PRIDE. "IT`S RISKY," SAID EXPERENCE. "IT`S POINTLESS," SAID REASON. "GIVE IT A TRY," WHISPERED THE HEART. - UNKNOWN
HOW to BOOST & Develop more Assertiveness in Personal & Professional Relationships in order to enrich your life and have more fulfilling relationships:
Commit to yourself – and HOW to speak UP vs. shutting up. You are worth it!
Learn & Practice Assertiveness Communication techniques
Identify the 3 pitfalls that cut off your nose to spite your face – every time
Turn your weakest link into a strength (ally)
How to specifically work with your unique personality-life circumstances, and how it may have been holding you back - in order to move YOU forward
Pin point problem areas and clear misconception
Identify your needs and wants, and ask for them to be satisfied
Affirmation Tool: (Please say and repeat at least 3 x daily with FEELING! )
“It`s safe for me to Speak Up, and I choose to feel good about myself while doing it.”
In 2016, the best is yet to come, and I stand on my own two feet - open hearted – receiving it.”
Vibrant Blessings – may you always shine in your light throughout 2016 and let NOTHING deter you to BE bright! Daniela
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